Reader, If this sensational page doesn't stop your adrenalin gorged heart for 5 entire seconds seconds I will send you a notarized certificate confirming you do not exist!

Saxton Hale is the rugged Australian CEO of Mann Co., star of the comic-book series Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales ( authored by Mr. Hale himself) and an all-around man among men whose favorite pastimes include fighting, drinking and battling with rare and ferocious animals. Identifying features include his exceptional moustache, rippling muscles, crocodile-tooth lined hat and a patch of chest hair shaped like Australia. He also refuses to wear clothes on his upper body "for obvious reasons". Saxton is the latest Hale to take up the reins of Mann Co. since Zepheniah Mann left its ownership to loyal aide and tracker Barnabus Hale in his last will and testament. His boisterous presence is felt in all areas of the company, from the slogan ("We sell products and get in fights") to the customer forms, which include tickboxes for informing product-thieving rivals that he is coming to pummel them to death with his bare hands. His inspiring image is also featured on numerous Mann Co. catalogs and promotional materials. He is known (and feared) for his belief in handling customer service issues personally, with his official policy being: "If you aren't 100% satisfied with our product line, you can take it up with me!".